sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
