So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
