2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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