Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
