So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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