I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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