: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
