who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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