Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
