Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize