I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
