So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
