Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
