i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize