We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
