3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I can't turn off my feet"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I wear drunk well.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
