Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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