Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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