Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize