her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
