how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize