awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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