My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
