Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
