now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
