worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
