dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
