We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
