One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
