Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
