I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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