our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
