I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
