it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
