Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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