Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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