So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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