my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
