I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
