Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
