how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
