At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
In America we eat man semen.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
