Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
we're so committed to being not committed
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
