this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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