you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
