he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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