I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
