he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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