I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
