i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
