That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
