We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize