There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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