just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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