i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
