My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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