i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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