Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
