He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So many bounce houses so little time
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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