Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
