I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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