just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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