and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
