history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
