This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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