i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
