I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i will never coherently bang her
Did you just see the Batmobile???
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
