So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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