I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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