Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
