Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
it's not cheating when I paid for it
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
