i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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